All Things Joey
( @zanelamprey #martinmiller )
Drinking Made Easy just posted an article I wrote about Martin Miller and his next level gin. Over the last few weeks, while I waiting for this baby to arrive, I enjoyed a few MM Gin & Tonics (they were damn good). Check out the article: DME: Martin Miller Gin
( #zombies, #brains )
I just finished reading a short zombie novel called “Brains: A Zombie Memoir”. This books take a more comedic approach to the zombie genre by having the lead character named Jack (who is undead) retain his memories and ability to think and write. Jack assembles a team of zombies who have managed to retain certain skills like running or shooting a gun and attempt to find the man responsible for the outbreak.
This book is way too similar to another zombie comedy I read a few months ago called “Zombie, Ohio” by Scott Kenemore. Allow me to review the similarities:
Like “Zombie, Ohio”, “Brains” reads like fan fiction… bad fan fiction. Becker is going for a comedic tone, so there is no tension. She uses terms like “yummy” when the zombies eat brains, and it comes off as childish. Like the zombies she writes about, the plot wanders. Jack the zombie eventually finds his way to the scientists, but by the time it happens you don’t care because Becker moves the reader past it.
While I don’t normally come down this hard on books, I felt that “Brains” could have been much better. “Zombie, Ohio” also had room for improvement, but the author had fun with the environment he created. “Brains” is a paint-by-numbers zombie story that just goes through the motions.
( #EndersGame )
If you have been reading this blog over the last month, you will have noticed I have been on an “Ender’s Game” kick. I am sure you will be glad to read that Ender is ending with this review. “Ender in Exile” brings readers back to the titular character of Ender Wiggin, who I missed a great deal during the “Shadow Saga”. Exile is an auxiliary book, you don’t have to read it to understand the main storyline in either series, but it does fill in some gaps in the timeline that I actually appreciated.
This book takes place between the last chapter of “Ender’s Game” and the first chapter of “Speaker for the Dead”. Speaker kind of pissed me off because you never really learned about what Ender did with his teenage years or his twenties. This book attempts to fill that gap, but something strange happens along the way…
Most of the book is about Ender’s travel to the first colony (which was eventually named Shakespeare). Long story short, the ship’s captain is a pompous ass that doesn’t think a teenager can run a colony (even if he just finished saving the world). The captain positions himself to take over Shakespeare for himself when they arrive. Card creates an almost comedic tension between the two, I just kept thinking about the Home Alone movies (the kid outsmarts the robbers at every turn). Readers know that Ender gets to the colony so the fact that so many pages were spent on this conflict were a waste. While wasteful, it was nice to read about a youthful Ender taking people down instead of having a terrible marriage and loudmouth adopted children.
The last 30% of the book is spent on the Indian colony that Virlomi established. Bean’s last genetically enhanced child (who was raised by a crazy woman that Achilles hand picked) grows up on the new colony creating problems for that planet’s leadership. Eventually Ender leaves Shakespeare to deal with the situation as a favor to his lost friend. Card basically wraps up that loose plot thread from the Shadow Saga, so if you want to know what happens to Bean’s lost child you need to read this book.
I liked this book even though there really isn’t a solid reason to. Exile is like a mid-season throw away episode of a tv show. Basically you gets some cool character moments, but nothing important happens. Since Card gives up on Ender in the middle of “Xenocide”, I enjoyed reading Ender in his prime again. If you are new to the series, I would definitely read this after the original book because the character you love disappears after “Speaker for the Dead”.
( #meatballs )
NOTE: You can use whatever meat you want for this recipe, but I used a blend yesterday so that is what I am going to use in the directions.
INGREDIENTS:
Meatballs:
1 lb – ground Beef (80/20)
½ lb – ground veal
½ lb – ground pork
3 slices of Italian bread (cut off crusts and cube)
½ cup of milk
2 eggs
½ cup of breadcrumbs
½ cup of grated cheese (parm-reg)
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon parsley
½ teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon of garlic salt
salt and pepper to taste
Sauce:
1 16 oz can of crushed tomatoes
½ large Spanish onion (diced)
3 cloves of garlic (pressed/diced)
½ cup of white wine
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
½ teaspoon thyme
salt and pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS:
You have to make the sauce first because you will line the pan when baking the meatballs.
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
2. Get a sauce pan and set stove top to medium heat. Add olive oil and let it warm up. Then add the onions and cook for about 4 minutes.
3. Add the garlic cook for 3 more minutes
4. Optional: Add a splash of Worcestershire sauce to the onions and garlic and stir.
5. Bring the heat to high and then add the white wine to glaze the onions (1-2 minutes – don’t let it burn)
6. Add the crushed tomatoes, mix everything well.
7. All the oregano, parsley, red pepper flakes, thyme, salt and pepper to the sauce. Mix well and then drop heat to a simmer.
8. Allow the sauce to cook for 15 minutes (leave the sauce in the pan, you will need this setup later)
9. Get a deep cookie sheet and line the pan with the tomato sauce. Set it aside until you are ready to roll the meatballs.
10. In a large bowl, soak the bread you cube in the milk. Let it get really soggy to the point that it falls apart.
11. Add the two eggs and the oregano, parsley, thyme, garlic salt, salt and pepper to the bowl and mix well.
12. Add the meat and mix with your hands. Then add the grated cheese and breadcrumbs. Continue to mix well with your hands.
13. Start to roll the meat into balls with your hands (I like them to be the diameter of a half dollar, or just a little bit smaller). Place the meatballs onto the cookie sheet that you put the sauce on.
14. Put the meatballs in the oven for 40 minutes.
15. Heat up the tomato sauce again and when the meatballs are done, put them in the pan and toss them around for 5 minutes to soak up the tomato sauce flavor.
Serve them in a bowl alone, in a sandwich, or with pasta.
( #endersgame )
Continuing with my reviews of the “Shadow Saga” in the “Ender Universe”, I recently finished reading the third book in the series, “Shadow Puppets”. The book begins a short time after the events of “Shadow of the Hegemon”, and focuses on resolving the Achilles plot as well updating readers on what has happened to the rest of Ender’s Dragon Army.
Bean’s genetic disorder has increased his height greatly but he is still within a reasonable frame for a human being. Petra has fallen in love with Bean and spends the first chapters of the book convincing him to marry her. This is a good point to stop and address the “yuck factor”. As far as I can tell, both Bean and Petra are still children (early teens) and Card has Petra spending half the book yearning to have Bean’s babies. Card tries to steer away from ages in the book so readers understand the characters have “grown up”, but then you have the issue of Bean’s disorder and how he won’t live that long and you can’t get away from it.
The plot centers around Peter Wiggin’s decision to free Achilles from China. Bean and Petra flee the Hegemon compound and warn Peter of the mistake. And here is my issue with the book: it was a terrible plot device to justify having the third book. The characters spend the entire book attempting to avoid the dangerous Achilles and his plots to kill them. Every action the characters make are just completely off the wall, here is a sampling:
1. Peter’s mom, who has no military training, attempts to assassinate Achilles to save her son.
2. Bean and Petra decide to use the evil dude who created him to make test tube babies, and he promptly steals them (setting up the forth book).
3. At least two characters become religious military figures (wtf).
4. Bean’s loyal army just let Achilles take over (and then at the end reveal they were always loyal to Bean, they just needed Achilles to explain his plan).
You know what, let me save you some time so you don’t have to read this book… Bean kills Achilles, Petra is pregnant with Bean’s baby, Achilles was responsible for the theft of the test tube babies and has implanted them in his “followers”. Sorry Ender fans, this one was a total stinker.
( #EndersGame )
I finished reading the 2nd book in the “Bean Series” of the “Ender Saga” the other night and I wanted to get my thoughts down before getting too wrapped up in the third book. “Shadow of the Hegemon” takes places a few months after the conclusion of “Ender’s Shadow”. All of the military school graduates (except Ender) are back on Earth and seem to be struggling going back to their “normal lives”.
The villain from the last book, Achilles, somehow gets involved with Russia and starts kidnapping all of the battle school graduates. Ender’s crew become the most sought-after and are either kidnapped, co-opted, or re-kidnapped into serving various nations. Bean, being known as the smartest graduate to return, is targeted for death since Achilles convinces the other nations he won’t work with them. Of course Bean figures this out and gets himself and his family to safety. He knows all of this power-grabbing will start with war and end with a unified world government, but the main plot is what country will take total control. Bean is fairly indifferent, but when his best friend Petra is kidnapped by Achilles and is forced into becoming the main strategist of his plans, Bean establishes opposing forces to save her.
All of the children have issues being accepted by their adult peers after their service in the Formic Wars. Card repeats the scenario of “adult gets in kid’s way, kid finds a way around adult, makes adult look foolish.” This happens with almost every main character several times. Unlike the last book, Card’s politics and preferences leak out in little ways throughout the book. Card’s obsession with Brazil and China are re-established and he makes a few jabs about Kennedy’s presidency. Thematically, this book is very different from “Ender’s Shadow” and “Ender’s Game”, it is more political and spends little time on space and “advanced technology”. Once again, Card leaves plot points on the table to continue the series, even though there was no good reason except to keep the books going (kind of like why Batman never kills the Joker even though he keeps killing thousands of people every time he gets out of jail).
Overall this book was a much better follow-up than “Speaker for the Dead” was for “Ender’s Game”. Card continues his story with familiar characters that you want to read about and manages to keep obvious personal opinions to a minimum.
