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Rant: Joey vs. Perfume

This is going to be short and simple readers, because there is not much to say…I hate perfume.

Hate it.

It is horrible going into the office and being trapped in an elevator with some man or woman doused in sweet, flowery, headache-inducing evil. I would rather someone rip a raunchy garbage-in-hot-weather fart and be stuck smelling it for 10 floors than even catch a whiff of perfume. I don’t understand why more people don’t talk about this problem. Getting crop-dusted by an over-quaffed perfumed dandy can ruin my day or at least a few hours of it.

Don’t people realize that these scents can adversely impact their co-workers? Let’s brainstorm readers: what can we do to protect our noses from these daily chemical attacks? Share your ideas on the feedback form, and I will update this article.

For the perfumers out there, next time you go out and buy some starlet’s fragrance, remember that other people have to smell that stuff and it will probably make them want to vomit.

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Storm Preparation

( #Hurricane, #irene)

This is going to be a long post, but should contain all the basic information needed. The majority of this information comes directly from 72hours.org

After a major disaster the usual services we take for granted, such as running water, refrigeration, and telephones, may be unavailable. Experts recommend that you should be prepared to be self-sufficient for at least three days. Store your household disaster kit in an easily accessible location. Put contents in a large, watertight container (e.g. a large plastic garbage can with a lid and wheels) that you can move easily.

[Emergency Supply Kit]

Your basic emergency kit should include:

  • Water: one gallon per person per day
  • Food: ready to eat or requiring minimal water
  • Manual can opener and other cooking supplies
  • Plates, utensils and other feeding supplies
  • First Aid kit & instructions
  • A copy of important documents & phone numbers
  • Warm clothes and rain gear for each family member.
  • Heavy work gloves
  • Disposable camera
  • Unscented liquid household bleach and an eyedropper for water purification
  • Personal hygiene items including toilet paper, feminine supplies, hand sanitizer and soap
  • Plastic sheeting, duct tape and utility knife for covering broken windows
  • Tools such as a crowbar, hammer and nails, staple gun, adjustable wrench and bungee cords.
  • Blanket or sleeping bag
  • Large heavy duty plastic bags and a plastic bucket for waste and sanitation

[Go-Bag]

A component of your disaster kit is your Go-bag. Put the following items together in a backpack or another easy to carry container in case you must evacuate quickly.

  • Flashlight
  • Radio – battery operated
  • Batteries
  • Whistle
  • Dust mask
  • Pocket knife
  • Emergency cash in small denominations and quarters for phone calls
  • Sturdy shoes, a change of clothes, and a warm hat
  • Local map
  • Some water and food
  • Permanent marker, paper and tape
  • Photos of family members and pets for re-identification purposes
  • List of emergency point-of -contact phone numbers
  • List of allergies to any drug (especially antibiotics) or food
  • Copy of health insurance and identification cards
  • Extra prescription eye glasses, hearing aid or other vital personal items
  • Prescription medications and first aid supplies
  • Toothbrush and toothpaste
  • Extra keys to your house and vehicle

[Storm Preparation]

Severe storms can cause landslides, flooding, uprooted trees, and downed utility lines.
Call 3-1-1 for information on free sandbags to protect your property from flooding.

  • Tune to KCBS 740 AM or local TV channels for emergency advisories and instructions.
  • If water has entered a garage or basement, do not walk through it – it may contain hazardous materials.
  • Do not try to drive over a flooded road. If your car stalls, abandon it immediately. Attempting to move a stalled vehicle in flood conditions can be fatal.
  • If you are asked to leave your property, disconnect all electrical appliances.
  • Do not walk through moving water. Six inches of moving water can make you fall. If you must walk in water, walk where the water is not moving. Use a stick to check the firmness of the ground in front of you.
  • Stay clear of water that is in contact with downed power lines.
  • Do not allow children to play around high water, storm drains or any flooded areas.
  • If you are asked to leave your property, shut off electric circuits. If advised by your local utility, shut off gas service as well.

[Treating Water]

In a disaster, water supplies may be cut off or contaminated. Store enough water for everyone in your family to last for at least 3 days.Store one gallon of water per person, per day. Three gallons per person per day will give you enough to drink and for limited cooking and personal hygiene. Remember to plan for pets.

If you store tap water:

Tap water from a municipal water system can be safely stored without additional treatment.
Store water in food grade plastic containers, such as clean 2-liter soft drink bottles. Heavy duty, reusable plastic water containers are also available at sporting goods stores. Empty milk bottles are not recommended because their lids do not seal well and bottles may develop leaks.
Label and store in a cool, dark place (replace every 6 months).

Treating Water after Disaster:

If you run out of stored drinking water, strain and treat water from your water heater or the toilet reservoir tank (except if you use toilet tank cleaners). Swimming pool or spa water should not be consumed but you can use it for flushing toilets or washing.

Treatment Process:

Strain any large particles of dirt by pouring the water through layers of paper towels or clean cloth. Next, purify the water one of two ways:

  • Boil – bring to a rolling boil and maintain for 3-5 minutes. After the water cools, pour it back and forth between two clean containers to add oxygen back; this will improve its taste.
  • Disinfect – If the water is clear, add 8 drops (1/8 teaspoon) of bleach per gallon of water. If it is cloudy, add 16 drops (1/4 teaspoon) per gallon. Make sure you are using regular bleach— 5.25% percent sodium hypochlorite— rather than the “ultra” or “color safe” bleaches. Shake or stir, then let stand 30 minutes. A slight chlorine taste and smell is normal.

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Customer Service and Social Media

( @petershankman, @Mortons )

I read this story over the weekend and feel like I needed to pass it on. In short, Peter Shankman is a writer and a speaker who loves Morton’s Steak House. Morton’s is a chain and this fellow travels quite a bit, so he frequents Mortons throughout the country.

Mortons has documented in their system that Shankman is a good customer.

One night while on a plane, he tweeted that he was craving Mortons and when he got off the plane, there was a care-package waiting for him. He of course wrote about this story on his blog (and he has 100,000+ twitter followers) and the whole situation went viral.

It should.

How much did the meal and the travel time cost Mortons? 100 bucks? And now they are getting great word of mouth and public interest. Hell – even with my butcher father, I want to check the place out. I’d love to have this set up with an outfit, so the moral of the story is that it pays to be loyal. And for businesses, it never hurts to be a little creative and willing to think outside of the box.

Kudos Mortons.

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Book Review: Water for Elephants

( #WaterForElephants, #SaraGruen )

I finished reading “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen a few nights ago and decided to share my thoughts.

Who doesn’t love the circus? Animals, peanuts, drunk little people. Writer Sara Gruen picked this fertile backdrop to tell a love story and it was a good choice because I hate reading love stories. Getting right to the point, the most interesting aspect of this book is the actual circus history that Gruen cherry-picked for the story. The background characters, the economics of the circus, and the stories about the animals sell this book.

The dynamic of the “love triangle” and the main character’s circumstances are overly convenient and contrived. Within a few pages, the main character Jacob loses his family, his family’s business, drops out of school, and magically finds a circus to work at. I can forgive that because Gruen gets right to the meat. The “love triangle” setup was harder to swallow. Like any other book that has a likable lead that hooks up with a married woman, the husband has to be a complete sociopath. The husband beats the wife, the animals, and throws sick employees off the train. The hero Jacob sweeps in to save the beaten Marlena, ensure the crazy husband gets what he deserves, and of course saves the animals. All is wrapped up with a pretty little bow (forgetting the characters that paid the price for Jacob to have his affair).

Gripes aside (because honestly I would have issues with any romance novel), I liked the book because it was well researched and told interesting side stories. Now I am going to go rummage through my DVD collection and start watching Carnivale again.

Oh yeah they made a movie out of the book too (I have not seen it).

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Book Review: Robopocalypse

( #Robopocalypse, @danielwilsonpdx)

I recently finished reading the book Robopocalypse by Daniel H. Wilson and here are my thoughts about it.

If you can’t figure it out by the title, Robopocalypse is a fictional story about machines and robots gaining a collective sentience and turning against humans. Slightly less horrific than the opening scenes in the Terminator movies, Wilson still manages to paint a gruesome picture. Society becomes dependant on robot assistance and is woefully unprepared for the slaughter even with several warning signs.

Wilson borrows the format from another apocalyptic novel: World War Z by Max Brooks. If you are going to rip off a horror book, might as well rip off one of the best. Like WWZ, the narrative in Robopocalypse is relayed by a “main character” but told in sections through a series of other characters. The main character is a soldier rather than a writer that comes across a device that collected the stories/horrors from whatever camera/robot that happened to be within the area of said tale.

The book is really entertaining, but due to the strong similarity to World War Z, it is hard not to compare the two books. In comparison, Robopocalypse is not as well thought out. One of the more appealing aspects of WWZ was how humanity rebuilds as a result of the disaster. Wilson gives tiny hints of society post Robopocalypse but nothing satisfying. While the “villain” in the book is defeated, you don’t learn about how the main characters reconnect and move on with their lives, which is a let down. As an example, Wilson introduces humans modified by the robots that managed to get free. They are horribly maimed and implanted with electronics. I really wanted to know more about these character’s outcomes (and felt they should have been more prevalent during the final showdown). That being said, Wilson left enough meat on the table for a sequel, so all sins might/could/probably will be forgiven.

Complaints aside, Robopocalypse was a well written, fun summer read and I recommend it (if you are the type of person that reads my blog, you are going to enjoy this book). On a side note, I read that Dan Wilson is an actual robotics engineer, which gives all of the techno-speak a waft of authenticity.

A fan created a clever trailer for the book, check it out:

Next on my reading list is “Too Big to Fail” about the origin of the economic meltdown of the last few years.

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Book Review: Ender’s Saga

( #EndersGame, #OrsonScottCard )

I know I have been doing quite a few book reviews lately, but that is how I have been spending my time… I think reading is better than watching TV. This post reviews four books by Orson Scott Card known as “Ender’s Saga”.

Ender’s Game

The first book in the series is easily the best and most well thought out of the four. Ender’s Game is about a boy named Andrew “Ender” Wiggins who is taken from his family by the military because of his intelligence and personality. Earth is at war with an insect-like alien race (the Buggers) that humans have no chance at beating. Because of Ender’s empathy he learns enough about his enemy to ultimately defeat them. The military’s use and abuse of Ender is the heart of the story, because the military sacrifices the child’s life/mental health to save the human race. The book ends with Andrew struggling with actions as a boy solider which causes him to leave Earth behind setting up the next book.

Speaker for the Dead

Speaker for the Dead is about Ender’s penance for killing an entire race of sentient creatures. He has an opportunity to restore a portion of the Buggers (one hive), but ends up getting involved with a remote Earth colony (based on Brazilian culture) that also has an alien problem. This is where Card’s story starts to go off the tracks. He introduces another sentient alien race known as the “Piggies”. They are curious creatures that are friendly, but also have killed two colonists. The public is outraged. Ender goes to the planet to learn about the men who have died and gets involved with their families and the Piggies.

Card’s introduction of the Brazilian planet Lusitania is awkward and unnecessary. To assume that humans start to colonize other planets (after Card establishes that the human race unite under one government) yet keep ridiculous cultural and religious practices in place does not blend well with what he set up in the previous book. Since he is not Brazilian, the introduction of their culture comes off as insincere and lame. The new characters are annoying and uninteresting; especially the Novinha character and her family.

Ender becomes more entrenched in the Piggies’ struggles due to a virus that kills the humans but is vital for the alien’s reproductive cycle. The concept of the virus is an interesting paradox that saves this story. The book ends with Ender restoring the Buggers on the planet and negotiating an uneasy truce between the Piggies and the human settlers. But in the process, the Earth government learns how deadly the reproductive virus is and wants to destroy the planet.

Xenocide

In the third book, all of the characters are struggling to avoid getting Lusitania blown up which will effectively wipe out the Bugger (again) and Piggie species. To further complicate matters Ender has a “companion computer” (for lack of a better term) that nobody knows about and is completely sentient. The computer calls herself Jane and is essentially a plot MacGuffin; she can do anything, so any time Card wants something impossible to happen, Jane can just do it.

Card must have read a book about China because he introduces a planet based on Chinese culture that are full of neurotic genetically enhanced people with built-in OCD to keep them under control. Card spends a good portion of the previous book and this book establishing Jane as essentially a god…then a little Chinese girl with OCD figures out a way to kill her in three seconds which makes the term “xenocide” applies to Jane as well since she is the only member of her species.

Ender takes a back seat to plot devices and other characters. He is the cause for things to happen, but other characters drive the plot. Since the characters from the previous book are not only uninteresting but annoying, reading about them is not a gratifying experience. The story ends with the secondary characters figuring out how to go outside of reality and make whatever they want happen. To be clear: Card establishes a plot device where you can just make up whatever the hell you want to solve your problems. They make a cure for the virus so it won’t kill humans but the Piggies can still reproduce. Ender comes out of the “make up whatever you want” world with younger copies of his long dead brother (Peter) and his sister (Val), each representing aspects of his personality that feed the plot for last book.

Children of the Mind

The situation with the planet blowing up still hasn’t been resolved and Ender has two aspects of his personality running around. It is immediately clear that Card plans on putting Jane’s “essence” in Ender’s fake sister’s body. The book drags until the last few chapters to make that obvious plot point happen.

Card essentially admits that he finds Ender boring. He actually says it in the book. Ender becomes so bored with himself and his life that he puts his energy into his sibling alter-egos, which is killing him. He sends his fake brother Peter on a mission to stop the fleet from blowing up the planet, that whole plot thread gets derailed due to Card putting his travel obsessions in the series. The characters go to a Japanese planet and then a Samoan planet. Nothing happens. They don’t stop the fleet with any of this running around and end up using another MacGuffin to stop the doomsday device.

Ender eventually takes control of Peter’s body and leaves his old one behind. In the process he looses his memories (but not his intuition). Card implies this frees Ender from the guilty of committing the original genocide, but that was the entire point of the second book, Ender becoming the speaker of the dead (basically a douche-free priest based on no religion) and reestablishing the Bugger hive. The characters and plot are sort of positioned back to the start of the 2nd book. You are lead to believe that the newly young characters will explore the cosmos.

I learned that the Ender series branches out to many other secondary characters getting their own books. I don’t have any desire to read them. I do not begrudge Card for making a living off of these characters, but I feel like he missed an opportunity for greatness because the first book was so good and the last two were so bad. I highly recommend reading Ender’s Game and maybe Speaker of the Dead, but I would stop there.

UPDATE: I ended up reading the other books. You can read my review of the 2nd series by clicking this link.